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Listening
As we approach fall I find myself in a reflective mood regarding listening. Here are some things to consider. How do you listen? What do you listen for? How do you operate as a listener? From where do you listen? When you listen do you have an agenda? Are there particular things that you hear and are there things that you do not hear?
I frequently have staff and Leslie (beloved partner for life AKA wife) tell me that I did not hear what they have said. It is possible but not probable, I am unique in this regard. Are you someone who from time to time does not listen to what is being said?
Frequently, when I work with groups, we will go over what the ground rules of their work together should be. The rules typically focus on how they should speak to each other. "No attacking" is a frequent ground rule. Treat each other with "respect" is another.
Again, the attention is on who is speaking and exactly what is being said. It is interesting to note we tend not to pay attention to how we listen to each other. The attention is on how the speaker speaks, not how the listener listens.
Over the years, I have become very aware that I can listen from different places. For me, listening is like the radio; there are different stations that play different music. There is the rock station, the classical station, the mix station and lots of others. My listening has different filters.
Given where I am listening from, I can hear very different things. I can listen from compassion, I can listen from criticism of the speaker. I can listen for anything I hear that can further the conversation. I can listen from the point that I am right about the issues being discussed. I can listen from nothing I hear will disprove or dislodge my opinions. While I can listen from different places typically I am unconscious to where I am listening from. I am just listening and unconsciously filtering.
It is possible to be aware of how we listen to someone. We do not have control over what is said to us and how others speak. How we listen to ourselves and others is a big deal. This is an area worthy of reflection. Being present to how you listen is instrumental for true communication. How are you listening to this? We would love to know. Have a great rest of the summer.
Be well,
Bruce
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